Lovelessxxx
by The Little Red Leaf
Summary: It was at that moment that Ichigo realized that they loved him very much and that he was just being selfish, something he vowed never to be. Full warnings inside
1. Chapter 1

Hahahahahaha! I finally finished it! Thanks to TealEyedBeing for editing this for me. She's been a big help. _  
_

This is a song fic like thingy based on a Vocaloid sing of the same name. It's a Visual Kei video by VanaN'ice (which mean a boy plays a girl's part if your like me you take it the wrong way). It is sung by Gakupo, Kaito and Len. I suggest you go listen to it and you'll understand a lot about this fic.

Warnings: Character death, crossdressing, Yaoi, a shortish sex scene

Pairing: Grimmjow/Hollow Ichigo(Shiro)/Ichigo

Rating: M

_Shiro(Hollow Ichigo)(Gakupo)_  
**Grimmjow(Kaito)**  
_**Both  
**_Ichigo(Len)  
_**All**_

* * *

LOVE  
1.[AFFECTION]  
a strong feeling of deep affection  
especially of a member of your family or a friend:

2.[ROMANTIC]  
a strong feeling of affection

that you are sexually attracted to:

LESS  
1. used with uncountable nouns  
to mean 'a smaller amount of':

often use less with countable nouns:  
This is not considered correct by some people,  
and fewer should be used instead

**If you said goodbye even quicker****  
****To me, then it would be like...**  
_The stabbing pain of the thorns of lies__  
__Even though I pretend I don't feel them_

It was one of those nights where Ichigo could not sleep. He wandered the halls as he often did, walking down one hall and up another, his nightgown hem brushing softly against the floor. It was silent but Ichigo felt that something was off. When he turned around, he realized no one was there**.** Usually his guards, Grimmjow and Shiro, would follow him. Nether were there. Without realizing it, his feet led him to Grimmjow's room which was closest to him.

He raised his hand to knock when a strangled moan reached his ears.

"Nngh Grimm-ah!"

A deep chuckle followed close after, "You alright?"

Shirosaki gasped, "Yeah. I'm fine... just-ahh hurry before I-Ichigo-sa-ah!-n finds us."

**Are the amount of my affections****  
****The only thing that hurts you?**  
_The tears trailing down your cheek__  
__Makes my heart feel constricted_

Ichigo took a step back, then reached for the doorknob and pushed it open. His hand flew to his mouth and he gasped, but the two very naked men on the bed didn't hear him over their own moans and gasps.

Ichigo turned around and ran, leaving the door open. The gold hem of his nightgown was visible to Shiro, who happened to turn his head at that moment. He shoved Grimmjow off and moved to gather his clothes.

"What the hell, Shiro?" Grimmjow growled from the other side of the bed.

Shiro just threw him his clothes while struggling to get into his. He dropped his shirt when he went to put it on and pointed at the door. "Ichigo saw us!"

Grimmjow looked at him then rushed to put on his own clothes when what Shiro said clicked. The two knew about Ichigo's feelings towards them but they were afraid to bring Ichigo into their relationship. He was soft-spoken and had a temper but was mentally fragile and they were afraid that Ichigo might break.

.

**When you become familiar with me****  
****You'll start ****saying cold words**  
_And may come to hate me, but__  
__Even if you do, it's alright_

The next morning was horrible, rain cascading down in sheets and was not looking like it would be stopping any time soon. Ichigo hadn't slept, too scarred by what he had seen. But despite being tired, he was full of a morbid sense of restlessness. He pulled on a pale pink off-the-shoulder-no-sleeves dress. Quietly unlocking the door and pulling it open, he peaked out and saw the his guards sleeping against the wall. After pulling the door shut, he padded down the hall, towards the kitchen. On his way there, a few servants stopped and asked him if he was okay since it was raining and he was out and about. Ichigo gave a small smile and said that he was fine.

He ate his breakfast and started to leave the dining room just as Grimmjow and Shiro walked in. Both saw him and yelled "Ichigo!" at the same time. Ichigo looked up, and then looked back down, then disappeared through the doorway and down the hall.

_**Your little hope and dream**__**  
**__**I**__**s kept inside your heart**__**  
**__**Though more and more**__**  
**__**You had wanted to say it**__**  
**_

The whole day passed like that. Ichigo leaving a room just as they walked in. They decided to corner him in his room, but when they turned the corner of the hall that led to Ichigo's room, Ichigo walked out of his room with five photo albums full of pictures in his arms. Switching the books to one hand, he motioned for the two to follow him with the other hand and set off down the hallway.

"Ichi-" Shirosaki started but stopped when Ichigo shook his head and held a finger against his lips, before continuing down the hall towards his favorite ballroom.

He opened the door and stepped inside. He walked to the center of the room and set the books down, then turned to the two. He looked at them, his hands clasped behind his back. Grimmjow lifted his hands and started towards Ichigo. He took a step back and held up his hands stopping Grimmjow where he was, causing him to lower his arms. Shiro laid his hand on Grimmjow's shoulder, and Grimmjow looked at him with a helpless look. Shirosaki sighed and turned to Ichigo.

_**When I can no longer protect you  
I'll be at the end of my world  
Then surely, surely  
You will be happy  
**_

"We need to talk to you about what happened last night."

Ichigo just waved it off and gave small smile. "I'm happy for you two." Shiro's jaw dropped, speechless.

It was Grimmjow that stuttered out, "You're fine with it?"

Ichigo smiled and hugged them, "Of course I'm fine with it. Just don't let your lack of sleep get in the way of the rest your life. Now shoo, I want to reorganize these books."

They left the room, and because they were happy that Ichigo was fine with their relationship, they didn't hear the choked sob and the lock click as it slid into place as they left.

Ichigo walked back to the stack of books and sat down. He grabbed the first book and opened it. The first picture he saw was the three of them sitting and laughing together. He pulled it out and set it down next to him, and went for the next picture, pulled it out also and set it down next to the first one. He did this until the book was empty. He tossed the empty book across the room and emptied the next book in the same way before it too, slid across the floor to join the first one. He did this until each book was empty and nearly five hundred photos were spread out around him. He gently stood up and held the hem of his dress off the floor so it won't bother the photos as he stepped over them and out the door.

_**What you have gained**__**  
**__**Is what I have lost**__**  
**__**Sinking deep and vanishing**__**  
**__**Into the shaking center**_

He walked down the hall to the kitchen. Seeing no one inside, he walked in and pulled a chef's knife out of a drawer and hid it in his dress. He returned to the ballroom unaware that a maid had seen him, but she had thought nothing of what she saw.

Later at supper when Ichigo didn't show, Grimmjow and Shiro set out to find him. When they didn't find him in his room or the library they became worried, even more so when the maid told them what she saw.

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Grimmjow almost screamed.

"I didn't think anything of it at the time!" she shot back. Grimmjow growled.

"Leave her be. We need to find Ichigo before he hurts himself." Shiro said, pulling Grimmjow away from the girl before he hurt her.

Grimmjow pulled away and nodded, "Have the whole staff on lookout for him. If anyone finds him, try to stop him." Everyone went in separate directions.

(It was a moment of true happiness)  
(So I must have been such a fool)  
(What is reflected in these eyes of mine?)  
(It can no longer return to just a wish)

Ichigo sat in the middle of the room once again. He looked at all the pictures around him. Him and Grimmjow or him and Shiro or all three. Seeing this solidified his decision. He pulled out the knife and looked at his refection in the blade before pressing it against the skin of his wrist and drawing a line up the center of his forearm. He paused at his elbow and watched the blood well up. It didn't hurt, not compared to how much his heart hurt anyway. He pulled the blade away and started another line just left of the first one, followed by another just right of the first one, but instead of stopping at the elbow he continued up the arm to his shoulder. He made a fist and watched the blood flow faster.

The echoing softly in my chest  
If I were to kill you  
Then would it become calm?

He then made three quick cuts that intersected the first line at an angle. He switched arms at that point and cut it hurts across his arm and Grimmjow's and Shiro's name on his upper arm. He placed the blade at the side of his neck right where it met his shoulder and drew it down, following his collar bone to the hollow of his throat.

Grimmjow ran down a hallway shouting Ichigo's name at the top of his lungs. No answer. A random staff member ran down a flight of stairs also calling for Ichigo and again no answer. Shirosaki threw open a random door and looked inside. No Ichigo. It was nearing sunset and still they could not find Ichigo. They met outside Ichigo's room, grim looks on everyone's faces.

_But if my love is the only__  
__Thing you will not allow_  
**Then my existence here would be****  
****Meaningless, I told the night**

Grimmjow growled and punched the wall while Shiro ran his hand through his hair. "Where's a place none of us has looked?" Grimmjow looked in Ichigo's room. Something was off. Then he looked harder and realized why. The photos albums were never put back. Ichigo always made sure they were put away. He tore off down the hallway towards the ballroom where Ichigo had taken the albums. Shiro looked in the room before immediately seeing that the albums were missing as well before taking off after Grimmjow, hoping that they would get there in time. They reached the door and tried to open it. It was locked.

Ichigo watched as the blood ran down his arms and stained his dress. A fit of insanity overcame him and he stood dropping the bloodied knife. Reaching out with his hands, he twirled and spun, flinging the blood all over the pictures and the floor. He kept dancing even as he grew dizzy from blood loss. He stopped and looked out the window at the setting sun. He spun around to face the door when a thud sounded. A dizzy spell hit him and he went down, falling to his knees, arms pressed close to his stomach and his nose barely touching the floor. He blinked and his eyes focused on the picture in front of him and he picked it up.

_So I will no longer see you__  
__Please give my eyes_  
**An imperfection****  
****If I've gotten too comfortable****  
****Will you vanish? Tell me**

It was the only picture that did not have blood on it. It was a picture of the three of them sitting in the shadows of the apple trees that were in full bloom. The grass was an emerald green color and the sky was clear of clouds. Both Grimmjow and Shiro had their glasses on. Shiro had one of Ichigo's favorite books in his hands and was reading it out loud while Ichigo, dressed in a full-length dark blue dress, was sitting on Grimmjow's lap playing with his glasses. All had smiles on their faces. It was at that moment that Ichigo realized that they loved him very much and that he was just being selfish, something he vowed never to be.

_**It feels like I've been ripped apart**__**  
**__**As I hold your body close to me**__**  
**__**It really, really**__**  
**__**Would be fine for time to stop**__**  
**_

They managed to kick the door open just in time to see Ichigo look up with tear-filled eyes before collapsing. Shiro stood there in shock while Grimmjow ran over to Ichigo, slipping on the blood stained photos as he went. The maid screamed and fainted when she saw the blood. Shiro shook his head and slowly made his way over.

"Damnit Ichigo! What hell were you thinking!" Grimmjow all but yelled at him.

"Shut up Grimmjow! Yelling at him isn't going to do anyone any good," Shiro said kneeling down next to them. "Ichigo? Ichigo, I need you to stay with us. Stay with us, Ichigo."

He pulled his shirt on and wiped away the blood on his arm showing their names carved into his skin. Their eyes met and the same sad look was reflected back. Shiro tore his shirt to shreds to help stop the flow of blood, but Ichigo, just barely alive, raised his hand and stopped him, and slurred, "I'm sorry."

_**The vow I pledged that day and  
The retribution for not honoring it  
I quietly, quietly  
Held back my voice as you vanished  
**_

Ichigo's funeral was set for tomorrow. Grimmjow had picked out the dress he was going to be buried in. It was full length, dark blue, had lots of lace and ribbons, and it covered the cuts. The dress was one of Ichigo's favorites and it was the one he was wearing when the picture of the three under the apple trees had been taken. Shiro, upon seeing his choice, thought the irony of it was morbidly fitting but agreed nonetheless.

The next day dawned cloud-free. The whole staff was busy cleaning the house from top to bottom, except for the ballroom. The blood stained pictures and the now dried blood were still on the floor. No one wanted to clean the room. No one even wanted to go near it, but the room had to be cleaned or they couldn't sell the house. Finally Grimmjow and Shiro offered to clean the room. The maid had offered to help too. They worked in silence, scrubbing and bleaching the floor, but the blood stains remained. Eventually they gave up and went to go get ready for the funeral.

_**The breaking sky  
**_

By the time the funeral started, the sky was again cloudy, completely blocking out the sun. The whole staff attended. Ichigo had no living relatives but had considered the staff to be his family. They never blamed Grimmjow or Shiro but shared the blame as everyone thought that they had something to do with failing to prevent his death**,** from the maid who saw him take the knife from the kitchen, to the gardener's son who saw Ichigo crying in the apple orchard.

The funeral went smoothly until they asked Grimmjow and Shiro if they wanted to say anything. When they stood at the front of the crowd next to the grave site, lighting split the sky, followed by thunder and then torrential rains fell, soaking everyone within seconds. The two looked at each other but started talking anyways. They talked about things the three had done together, and about the time there was a warm summer shower and how Ichigo was outside dancing in it and the cold that resulted from it had kept him bedridden for a week afterwards.

_**Your little hope and dream  
Is kept inside your heart  
Though more and more  
You had wanted to say it  
**_

Others stepped forward and told stories about Ichigo as a kid before he lost his family. The way he would do things, how he would laugh, and the first time he wore a dress. That story made a few people chuckle. More and more stories were told until the crowd became silent while the storm continued to rage around them.

As the rain lessened, the staff started to turn and walk away until only Grimmjow, Shiro, and a few others were left.

"So what happens now?" Shiro asked as he stared up at the sky. A few drops of rain rolled down his face.

The maid sighed, "We get the house ready for sale since no one else besides Ichigo-san owned it."

"And what happens to the rest of us?"

She turned to Grimmjow, "We try to move on with our lives," she said turning to walk away. The two again look at each other. Move on? How do they go about that?

_**When I can no longer protect you  
I'll be at the end of my world  
Then surely, surely  
You will be happy  
**_

Three months later finds the house still unsold, the floor still blood stained, even though they spend hours scrubbing it at least until Shiro finally told them to stop, the lawn and orchard overgrown and unkempt and the house was falling apart. Grimmjow is found in some random town drinking the memories of Ichigo away, and not getting anywhere. Shiro is found in a warfront somewhere. He can't remember where. He just knows that he won't walk away from it alive.

Time has not been kind to them.

_**For a single moment**__**  
**__**I walked with you**__**  
**__**In a world without betrayal**__**  
**_

As the months pass by the two finally started to heal. The war ended so Shiro came back. Grimmjow cleaned up his act because Ichigo would have yelled at him for doing such a thing. The two got back into guarding but they quit because it didn't feel like that's what they supposed to do.

They met up at the ruins of the house one year to the day Ichigo died. They didn't say a word, because they weren't needed, Grimmjow just pulled Shiro into a hug. Shiro pulled away and turned to the ruins.

"Should we go inside or go to his grave first?" Grimmjow looked up, in time to see someone walk past a glassless window. He looked at Shiro, who had seen them too. They bolted inside and up the stairs to the second floor. They threw open the door to an empty room when a voice floated down from what was left of the third floor:

_**And someday  
I will  
Be born anew...**_

It sounded just like Ichigo.

* * *

I'm so horrible! Tell me what you think!

*zips off the start the next one*


	2. AN

Dear Readers!

I need help deciding how to continue this story. I have the plot and everything like that planned out but I was wondering if I should continue with the song fic chapters or switch over to regular chapters? The next song I was going to do doesn't really go with what I was planning on doing now that I actually sit down to type the next chapter. Any ideas?

- Aki


End file.
